[kileaiya]: 172.Contest Entries.Comical Random

I found myself sitting in a barber’s chair, a mad barber, a truly loony fellow, my brother Joe. Now why I ever agreed to this in the first place escapes my mind, I think it was a bout of temporary insanity, or maybe I was drugged. But whatever it was, I was in the barber’s chair. And Joe wore a look of sadistic glee upon his face. I thought about running, but he was my brother, he wouldn’t do anything to harm me right? Right? He has the scissors and I hear a snip, and he chuckles. I panic. What has he done? It’s too late now, he’s got me into the barber’s chair and he has scissors, big, scary, pointy, capable of doing harm to my psyche, scissors. And there’s another snip, I’ll never be able to face the world again.

Snip. Oh god.
Snip.
“I need a time machine”, I think to myself, “I can go back and stop myself from ever willingly allowing my brother to cut my hair.”
Snip. I’ve started to cry by now. Huge crocodile tears.
Snip.

He laughs, and all the color drains from my face. A laugh, that, well, it just can’t be good. His laugh is deep and hearty, something I used to love, before he murdered my hair. My beautiful hair. It’s red you know, a lovely color, I fetch many a compliment with this red hair. That is to say I did.

“I’m finished,” says Joe.

Oh no, I have to face the music now don’t I? He turns the chair around slowly, one of his hands covering my eyes and I burst into sobs. I’ll never be able to walk in public again.

“Take a look,” he says.

I hold my eyes tight shut. I can’t bear a look at something that once was so beautiful, that by now, is no doubtedly the worst haircut in the history of mankind. Slowly I open my eyes, averting my gaze from the mirror. I swallow the lump in my throat, I have to look. I can’t go about for the rest of my life avoiding shiny things that might reveal the horror that is my hair. I have to look. I face the mirror, ready for whatever I may see. Or so I thought.

I scream. A shrill scream. The kind that pierces your ear drums and make you want to smack the person screaming. I can’t believe it. Look at what he’s done. It’s madness, sheer madness.

It’s the best haircut I’ve ever gotten.

© Jordan Mason 2006, all rights reserved